Just Another Pretty Face?

hopefulmodel @ 2007-05-22T23:05:00

2007-05-23T03:05:54Z

hello to everyone out there. i'm back i suppose though i truly am not interested in postin gmy whole life online for everyone to see. i am struggling though and i need to vent. i'm so stressed out right now i just dont know what to do. i dont "cut" but i do have the sincere urge to hurt myself and i just scratch until i have lines up and down my arms and legs that last for a few hours. i have gotten a job which is good for consuming time and keeping me on my feet. i am fatter than ever however because i let myself go in hopes of recovering. it didnt work. i feel worse than ever and to top it off im at my highest weight. i need some control, support and inspiration and this is the only place i can truly get it. i want to get help so bad but i cant bring myself to talk to my parents about needing antidepressents so im stuck here, in pain and sadness. sorry for venting on you all

hopefulmodel @ 2006-12-31T21:44:00

2007-01-01T02:46:22Z

my struggles and sucesses don't need to be shared with the world which is why i am stopping my entries because i would much rather write in a private diary. I'll still check in on the ones i support and don' want to see coming into harms way and participate in a challenge or two. remember you are all great and this new year will bring success. xo

hopefulmodel @ 2006-11-12T21:14:00

2006-11-13T01:14:14Z

ok this week I had only one major binge!:D
which is great.
I had 1 day with a small binge :( but it's ok because I regained control.
the rest of the week I stayed below 1200 with 2 days below 1000.

My goal for this week is below 1000 every day and no major binges. Update next sunday evening.

hopefulmodel @ 2006-08-21T13:10:00

2006-08-21T17:18:07Z

Ok so it's 1:14 pm and I am doing fairly well. I've only eaten what I put on my menu for today. I am considering giving up my snack for a peice of salami in my salad. But I'm not sure. Lunch will be at 2:30 so I have an hour to go and 45 minutes till I start the preperation. Ugh I'm hungry but I pigged out yesterday and I can't take being fat! I just can't. According to my crappy scale I didn't gain anything. But I still feel so fat. After today I will be light again with my stomach all clear of cake and fatty foods. That's all I'm thinking about. This is a detox.

Plus my brother and sister who I am babysitting were being complete bitches about lunch picking the most tempting foods and I had to make them. I'm so stressed because on top of this I'm planning everything out for back to school. I start the 6th(?) and I want to do volunteer work one night, work andother, dance, social justice and I have to babysit monday for the first 3 monthes and make dinner (ugh temting much?)
Anyways think thin <3<3